...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
