Joe is yelling at the trees again.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
