How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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