I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
