im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
