yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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