he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
