He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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