I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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