What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you win again, gameday.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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