i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
