we have officially lost it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
