your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
