Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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