this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
