I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
