True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My vagina just recognized that song.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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