just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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