No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
