Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
