you traded sex for a burrito?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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