you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
