so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
