i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
