saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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