I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
