All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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