yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
