I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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