you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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