please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
