can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
