i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
