Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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