I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
