$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
