found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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