Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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