Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
