he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
