dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She announced her abortion via fbk
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
