my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
