the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
