Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
