is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
