found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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