Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
