all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
