How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."