when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch