I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in