Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
