Texts From Last Night

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  (514): View more from Quebec

  What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.

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  (514): What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign. http://tfl.nu/l1zt
  Replies (11) Good night (806) Bad night (3560)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.

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  (740): id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag. http://tfl.nu/yqo6
  Replies (72) Good night (1416) Bad night (16411)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish his dick was as long as his hair.

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  (617): I wish his dick was as long as his hair. http://tfl.nu/x3k7
  Replies (13) Good night (1135) Bad night (6858)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.

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  (630): I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong. http://tfl.nu/nqbt
  Replies (19) Good night (3902) Bad night (1462)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.

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  (720): Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head. http://tfl.nu/67uq
  Replies (5) Good night (2889) Bad night (2012)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day

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  (217): I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day http://tfl.nu/8h3x
  Replies (9) Good night (998) Bad night (2136)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds

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  (306): He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds http://tfl.nu/ogvx
  Replies (6) Good night (2391) Bad night (1045)
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  (+36): View more from

  until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.

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  (+36): until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober. http://tfl.nu/a4ay
  Replies (4) Good night (2245) Bad night (599)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?

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  (219): How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year? http://tfl.nu/u8i3
  Replies (10) Good night (2615) Bad night (653)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt

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  (210): It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt http://tfl.nu/ws0p
  Replies (8) Good night (1183) Bad night (666)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.

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  (701): Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more. http://tfl.nu/i6gm
  Replies (7) Good night (1337) Bad night (599)
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  (916): View more from California

  I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.

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  (916): I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me. http://tfl.nu/xyna
  Replies (7) Good night (3747) Bad night (710)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok

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  (412): I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok http://tfl.nu/vgre
  Replies (7) Good night (2157) Bad night (560)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life

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  (256): I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life http://tfl.nu/6fwv
  Replies (4) Good night (319) Bad night (787)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag

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  (214): Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag http://tfl.nu/i32x
  Replies (2) Good night (549) Bad night (288)

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