Texts From Last Night

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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.

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  (808): The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet. http://tfl.nu/mtia
  Replies (12) Good night (1389) Bad night (678)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I think i peed on brittanys purse

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  (314): I think i peed on brittanys purse http://tfl.nu/cbx1
  Replies (10) Good night (1850) Bad night (1393)
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  (916): View more from California

  awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment

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  (916): awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment http://tfl.nu/ypy1
  Replies (35) Good night (511) Bad night (3377)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.

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  (704): I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food. http://tfl.nu/cwmk
  Replies (49) Good night (658) Bad night (6981)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???

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  (770): Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives??? http://tfl.nu/8m9c
  Replies (65) Good night (7343) Bad night (1446)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?

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  (301): Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you? http://tfl.nu/njmw
  Replies (7) Good night (2307) Bad night (684)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.

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  (609): I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound. http://tfl.nu/4n17
  Replies (4) Good night (1153) Bad night (645)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival

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  (303): im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival http://tfl.nu/aw8e
  Replies (2) Good night (973) Bad night (412)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012

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  (217): You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012 http://tfl.nu/onux
  Replies (4) Good night (1079) Bad night (549)
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  (909): View more from California

  Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.

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  (909): Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS. http://tfl.nu/zdw2
  Replies (7) Good night (434) Bad night (1919)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.

  (1-808): View more from Hawaii

  To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.

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  (808): Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen. (1-808): To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one. http://tfl.nu/g3ky
  Replies (9) Good night (1192) Bad night (377)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.

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  (971): Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should. http://tfl.nu/ipz3
  Replies (11) Good night (521) Bad night (893)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.

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  (248): I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade. http://tfl.nu/28nt
  Replies (0) Good night (591) Bad night (296)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.

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  (850): Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon. http://tfl.nu/pq1b
  Replies (4) Good night (362) Bad night (806)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.

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  (705): His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband. http://tfl.nu/yqll
  Replies (3) Good night (563) Bad night (368)

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