Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
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Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?