hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
