Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
