you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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