Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
