Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
