you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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