you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
