and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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