Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
