He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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