Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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