How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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